Tuesday, April 27, 2010

the eyes are the give away. they are dull and faded from past glory.

my eyes write eulogies my head cannot possibly cash.  exhausted and desperate. my wrists are simply landing points and extraction zones for the blades and second chances.  Die alone in an unmarked grave for an unremarkable life.  I'm tired of the diagnosis, I simply want a prognosis of how to make this better.  Remind the doctors that the clock is ticking.  I don't have forever.





Monday, April 26, 2010

in a world gone mad

all we've got is the madness to hang onto

Friday, April 23, 2010

I'm not Okay (I promise)

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

thanks to you

i'm starting to figure out who I am.

This is the beginning.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

surgically i'm a mess

Tearing out my hair
on a bedroom floor
empty all the meds
never anymore
for sure
throbbing in my flesh
breaking out in scarlet sores
therapy I've been enslaved
I think I'll medicate this rage

So now I've crossed the line
(tearing out my hair on a bedroom floor)

Fixing up the drugs
with a tiny flame
put 'em in my lungs
and forget my name
I blame my parents for molesting me
with self-fulfilling prophecies
the teacher for indulging me
his shit dressed up in fury, fear and shame

So now I've crossed the line
(put 'em in my lungs and forget my name)

High and I'll drive
I'll get high and I'll drive

If I were the keys
then where would I be
if it's up to me
then I will be free
if I were the keys
then where would I be
if it's up to me
then I will be free

yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

the mirror broke from my gaze. i am the eye of the hurricane

"Isn't it crazy how the same things that keep you ticking are also what keeps breaking you down"


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

dead ends

are the new future plans.  i couldn't see you coming before, but the forecast is for another heavy dose of madness.  this is who i'm meant to be. paid the therapist off so I could sneak out of your line of vision. we are the future mr and mrs hurricanes.

till death do us part(y)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

38° 45' N 90° 23' W

neurologically impaired
my physics are scared
the phisiology of madness
i love the way it feels
wedding dress blues
honey(over)the moon.
all is not well in my present state (of mind)

Monday, April 5, 2010

carry me to the ICU

my head is completly, and utterly missing.  I'm at a loss.  This is the worst I've ever felt.  I'm a liability to everyone I know.

Here's your warning.  Things will never be the same.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

the dna was all wrong

This is an open apology.  I’m sorry for being screwed up.  My DNA takes precidence over my will to fight the chemicals inside my brain.  I’m a mess.  I’m scars.  I’m not worth my weight in gold.  I feel so empty on days when things should matter.  The only thing I’ve got to look forward to is the day when things will stop moving so quickly.  I’d give anything for this madness to take a vacation.  Or better yet, I need a vacation from my madness.  This sadness is defenying.  I can no longer make sense of days or weeks.  The compass that points my head back to me is spinning and I have no idea how to stop any of this.  It’s a slipper slope.  They say the age of 25 is when the beginning of the end happens for people like us.  I need the light at the end of the tunnel.  Regardless of consequence, I’m a disaster zone.  This is  not a good moment for me.  Life until this point has been a series of casulties one following another.  You can’t get away from the epicenter of my destruction.  I will break everything and everyone down.  

It’s not that you couldn’t handle me.  

It’s more of not being able to be handled by someone like you.

I’m sorry.

Friday, April 2, 2010

i'm (home)sick

pack me up
body bags
boarding pass ready
this casket feels so much more like home

Thursday, April 1, 2010

ive lost my mind

in between a few grains of sand
this place never changes
i've lost my center
get me out of my head
rotten to the core

true life

sometimes burning bridges is the only way to ensure you won't return to unhealthy situations.