Tuesday, March 30, 2010

i'm at ease with this disease

i’m at ease with my disease.  my bones are skin is just a clever disguise for my decaying heart.  I dread seeing tomorrow through the hollowed out eyes that stare back at me from the bathroom mirror.  Candy land-pharmacy style.  I don’t have any place to call home.  I’m an orphan.  Homesick from hospital waiting rooms.  Cardiac arrest me and throw away the keys.  I weave lies like the lastest fashion.  Hang yourself from the rafters of this shattered dream.  I share my secrets with the white noise in my ears.  Same sob story, same sob channel.  Signed, sealed and delivered from my wrists to your lungs.  

there's always you

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Cokie The Clown


Thursday, March 25, 2010

to you. fuck you.

rage.  it's a chemical mixture like you could never understand.  normal is boring.  i'm extrodinarly fucked. my teeth rattle. my head is sideways.  shaken not stirred.  broken but not bending. we believe in love based on being real.  not love based on obligation.  i get lost and found more than i'm aware of the day of the week.  i'm misery left unattended.  this is what you get when you mix fire and reason.  this is another way to say goodbye sanity, hello me.  disenfranchised from life.  disconnected from you.

please hang up.  your phone call cannot be completed as dialed.  please try again.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

you're the moon i'm the dream of weightlessness

The blood in my veins tells me that I’m not the same without you.  The static in my ears only reminds me of the way you used to say my name.

She is madness
She is beauty
She is everything in between
She is completely overwhelming.

I’m a full moon, you eclipse me. 

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

getting lost in the prescription of perception

there are noises everywhere.  inside my eyelids.  behind my smiles.  monsters and aliens.  we dont belong anywhere but behind the steering wheel.  race car head.  cant stop my teeth from spinning. embrace the taste of madness.  the doctor couldn't reach behind my head and pull out the darkness.  the feel of linoleum is all too familiar. i like the taste of bathroom floors. i don't like the face in the mirror, but i adore the way you see me.  getting lost is all the rage (inside my bones).  i dilated my eyes just to make it to the morning.  cynically depressed.  catching words like bugs.  i've lost more than my share of marbles.  ive gotta update myself.  never never land.  time doesnt spin but the floor sure does.  shooting star veins.  straight on till morning.

i only want you to be you



Monday, March 22, 2010

she said she needed a muse...

and i've always been a sucker for a hard luck case.  more ice berg than cool.  the snowman melts from a broken heart.  sunburnt guts.  snuck my head into the clouds of smoke surrounding yours. raccoon eyes and yellow spines.  matching pulses.  this isn't for real, only imaginary.  i lost the directions to good intentions, getting by on only a wit(ness).   i'm a thought in the thunderstorm that is your head and i'm feeling lucky for that.  gamble with house money.  lose it all or go home half empty.

this means nothing
but it means everything to me

thank you for reminding me how to pour my insides out into keyboards.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

he is a warzone, she is just a casualty

we dug the darkness out of her veins
splattered in the world we call home
the maniacs
the forever bed heads
taking monsters out from under beds
skeletons from closets
hiding them behind eyelids and clever words
"we'll leave this world once and for all"
the express lane headed home six feet under the ground
file me away under lost and (not wanting to be) found

"I can't believe what this is doing to me
I've seen so many cities
Fall down to their knees
I'm begging you, please
Don't bury me underneath their crumbled walls
My barren thoughts weigh heavier
Than the weight of our demands

I feel the pressure building up inside my head
I feel the distance drowning me in my own sweat
Cause I need the cold now
It's my turn to roll out all the stops
And show that I know where I have to go

I've got to find my way back
Retrace my steps
So I can prove to you that I'm alive
Crawling my way back to the place
I know that's meant for me to find my way back
To find my way back home

I feel the heat and what it's doing to me
I've been pulling at my own skin
To hide my face
It's hard to relate
Forget the way you feel when you are safe at home
You leave this world alone, stone by stone
If only I had known about the"

-four year strong "find my way back"

Friday, March 12, 2010

it's always been about you

There's something strange going on in my head
That says if I were to get in a car right now
And to your doorstep I would be bound.
To whisper the words that I've always wanted to say,
And watch as the sun rips this blue sky away
Cause the colors are always changing
So stare up at the clouds
And at least you know you're always looking up

-Valencia "The Space Between"

Monday, March 8, 2010


razored smiles
etched on your teeth
"get some sleep silly boy"
i'd run away with you
and not come back to being me.

i've outgrown my head and heart