Tuesday, August 25, 2009

et phone home

long distance love
hung my hopes out on the telephone line
"give me happiness" or give me death


Saturday, August 22, 2009


...the headphones will deliver you the words I can't say.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


There isn't enough good luck to pump through my veins. Get me through to the sunshine. Riding shotgun on a gurney (life in the fast lane). Slept through heaven, straight to the snooze button in hell. I've got a restless mind and a tounge to match. Talk myself down off the ledge. Behind closed doors, I'm all I've got. Tied my lifeline around my chest. Keep me safe when the world gets darker. This doesn't make sense but I've senseless. Behind tired eyes, the world seems out of focus and grey.

I was(nt) fine before the pills.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

manic depression

What are manic depression symptoms?

Manic depression symptoms (as found in manic-depressive disorder or bipolar disorder) involve symptom sets that are the opposite of each other. One involves a “high” set and the other a “low” set. These symptoms are found in a continuous range, mild-moderate-severe, in both the manic and depressive aspects.

The National Institute of Mental Health lists many of the following Manic Depression symptoms.
1 Manic disorder that characterize the high or ‘manic’ aspect of manic disorder are called episode includes the following:

  • Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
  • Excessively ‘high,’ overly good, euphoric mood
  • Distractibility, can’t concentrate well
  • Racing thoughts and talking very fast
  • Jumping from one idea to another
  • Little sleep needed
  • Increased sexual drive
  • Spending sprees
  • Poor judgment
  • Unrealistic beliefs in one’s abilities and powers
  • Extreme irritability
  • Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
  • Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
  • Denial that anything is wrong
  • Lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
Symptoms of manic disorder that characterize the low or ‘depressive’ aspect of manic-depressive disorder are the following:
  • Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex
  • Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being “slowed down”
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
  • Restlessness or irritability
  • Sleeping too much, or can’t sleep
  • Change in appetite and / or unintended weight loss or gain
  • Chronic pain or persistent bodily symptoms not caused by illness or injury
  • Thoughts of death or suicide / suicide attempts
Hypomania is the ‘mild to moderate’ level of the manic symptoms of manic-depressive disorder. Left untreated, hypomania can progress to severe mania or depression.

In severe episodes of mania or depression, symptoms of psychosis (hallucination and delusion) can occur. These symptoms of hallucination and delusion often result in manic-depressive disorder being misdiagnosed as Schizophrenia, another severe mental illness.

Mixed Manic Depression1
In the mixed manic-depressive state, symptoms of mania and depression occur together. The person may exhibit these symptoms:
  • Agitation
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Significant change in appetite
  • Psychosis
  • Suicidal thinking
  • Having a very sad, hopeless mood while at the same time feeling extremely energized

when the clouds open up, you can see all the way to heaven from the depths of hell.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

tonight i realized...

loves the new medication for the broken hearted.

i've got trouble being me
but i've got no troubles loving you

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

i'll be more alive than dead

halfway across the country
got the sound of "i love yous" stuck on repeat inside my skull
better halves all around
i'm full of liquid courage and perscription lies
self medicate on love and loathing loneliness
lets fast forward to forever

love x 88mph